I’ll admit it: I’m a recovering people pleaser. I hated letting other people down or inconveniencing them in any way. I’d say I had healthy boundaries, but when push came to shove, I was always shoved out of the way.
Wrapped in my insecurity blanket I was the worst kind of people pleaser. Because everyone was happy except for me! I’d twist myself and my schedule into an impossible pretzel so I wouldn’t “put anyone out.” If I ever stood up for myself I would follow it up with, “You don’t hate me now, do you?” It even used to upset me when people I didn’t even like didn’t like me back!
So, what changed? Nothing…except for me. I finally decided that my priorities were as valid as everyone else’s, and that it was my fault I felt like a doormat. After all, you teach people how to treat you. So I started taking the apology out of my voice when I needed something from someone, and toned back the gushing gratitude when someone agreed to help me out. Gratitude is essential: gushing is not.
YOU are worth it! YOU are deserving! But if you don’t stand up to claim whatever it is you’re after, no one is going to do it for you. That’s not their job. That’s your job. Show up to work, and you’ll soon have all the resources and help you need. Just ask! If you don’t ask, they can’t say YES.
Thank you so much for the great reminder. I once picked up a book called the Disease to Please and I took the pretest at the beginning and I answered YES to all indicators of the Disease to Please! Yikes!! Not anymore. It has been a long road but I am still working on it. Thank you for showing up today with this post! <3
That sounds like a book I would have related to once upon a time as well! Thanks for sharing and for traveling that road to self-acceptance. It can be a bit scary sometimes. Thanks so much for your comment, Julie.
Totally. I used to not like that the “squeaky wheel gets the grease”. I thought they were impolite. Now I realize…of course….”the squeaky wheel gets the grease”. How can you get what you’d like if you don’t let the world know that’s what you want. 🙂
I was a super people pleaser! I would say yes to everything and never had time to do what I wanted. Now I have found my no and give myself time to think if it is beneficial for all parties and what can I learn or how can I make a difference before I say yes. It’s no longer about pleasing people, its how can we make a difference together 🙂
I used to be so much the same, as my family
has moved out I must admit I do have so much
more time for me.
Cheers
Beautiful post Allyson! I can so relate! I am a recovering people pleaser as well and it is definitely a journey. Thank you for the inspiration.
We’re all in this together, Elena! It’s a journey well worth taking!