Every time we are ready to expand in our lives, we have a small (or large) proving ground to cross through. If it’s a small expansion, it’s really no big deal. It might cause a little bit of worry or angst, but doesn’t affect you otherwise. The bigger the growth, however, the wider that proving ground becomes. And it’s riddled with little landmines called terror.
I remember when I got married…. (break to redirect) I knew it was the right thing, I knew it was the right person, but I was so terrified of the unknown that I almost called it off 3 days before. I remember pacing back and forth before the ceremony started, wringing my hands and muttering “What am I doing here? I shouldn’t be here! What am I doing?” But I went through it anyway, and ten days later I didn’t know what I was so afraid of.
That’s the interesting thing about the Terror Barrier. To get to the other side, it HAS to be crossed. The longer you look at it without moving, the bigger and darker it gets, the more terror sets in. And when you start moving forward, inevitably you trip a terror wire on the way across and activate voices shouting at you to turn back. Sometimes these voices are inside your head, and sometimes they’re outside your head, masked as concern by your friends and loved ones. But when you know that what you’re looking for is in the direction you’re heading, you’ve got to keep moving toward it. No, don’t walk back to the fridge again. Stop scrubbing the baseboards or reorganizing your closet. Those are avoidance techniques cleverly disguised as being productive. They’re nothing more than productive time wasters. It’s not productive when your mind is still wrapped up in that thing you’re avoiding. And though you might have sparkling baseboards, you have also made that Terror Barrier wider, darker and more foreboding.
My terror barrier looks like anxiety. It would wake me up at 5:30 with a wrenching in my stomach, a not-so-subtle reminder that I didn’t’ know what I was doing. My Terror Barrier is named “What if I Do It Wrong and I Ruin Everything?” Some people’s Barriers are named “I Don’t See HOW I Can Do That” or “If Only I Had the Money for That.” And it’s ONLY when you start across that proving ground headed right for that terror barrier, that you get the ideas that help you SEE the next step, or thoughts that open up options to get the money. But you really can’t take my word for it. It is required that you pass through this barrier on your own, armed with your faith and your trust that it will all work out exactly as it is meant to. And I promise, you’ll find true friends along your way that will assist you in your journey. And when you’ve passed through it and reached that goal you will look back and say, “That’s ALL that was? What was I so afraid of?!”
What is your terror barrier named, and what do you do to walk through it? I’d love to hear your ideas and the tools you use to conquer it!
Great information Allyson. Thank you. My terror barrier was fear of judgement. I crossed that barrier many years ago by not worrying about what others think of me and by believing in myself more. 🙂
So many of us get completely stuck in fearing what others will think. It’s so freeing to finally let go of that worry and be true to yourself, isn’t it? Thanks for sharing!
Wonderful post Allyson! My terror barrier would have to called ‘what will others think of me if I do that?” That one comes up frequently so I’ve been slowly but surely releasing that fear of judgement. 🙂
I love how you describe the “terror barrier.” What a great metaphor and way to think about why it is critical to take the leap.
Tera
I love the idea of naming your fear. I’m going to have to think about mine.
I think if we give ourselves enough peace in our lives, things start to seem a lot less scary and become easy to do. Worked for me! 🙂
Thanks Joe. Giving it a name makes it less scary for sure!
I agree, Julie. Sadly, most people are too busy to have peace! How ironic is that?
Money and all issues related to it are my terror barrier. Working hard to break through for good!
Great points! Very helpful and important read! We need to move past our terror in order to move forward. My terror is not ever being successful. I need to cross that, and just keep moving.
Absolutely, Jessica. The only way to our goal of being successful is THROUGH the terror of “what if I’m not successful” Everything you want is on the other side of terror.