Confrontation and conflict can be so uncomfortable. But when you lead with your empowered feminine and tweak the meaning of these conversations, it makes them so much more powerful and joyful experiences.
Let’s talk about the beauty of difficult conversations! When done with respect, compassion, and clarification, we can create powerful connections rather than resentment and unclear expectations.
Why We Hate Difficult Conversations
We all hate difficult conversations. We try to avoid it at all costs, but even when it’s time to face it, we try to get out as soon as possible! If these difficult conversations are meant to “fix” things, why do we dread it so much?
The problem is because we don’t know how to use our voices powerfully. We choose between being abrasive or being passive. I was not too fond of confrontations and upsetting the apple cart. But after years of experience and some inspiring mentors, I learned that these conversations are not so bad if you show up as the highest version of yourself!
The goal of hard conversations is that everyone leaves feeling better, but that can be hard if you don’t know where to start. I have a simple two-way step to achieve that.
Step 1: Clarifying Conversations
From defining them as “confrontations” to “clarifications,” – you will easily take it differently once you realize that it is not about who’s right and wrong.
It’s about defining and explaining each other’s side! Once you do, you both talk about where to go from there. Do you move forward together? Or do you go separate ways if that’s what will keep each other’s peace?
Nobody is wrong. Put down your weapons at the very beginning and tackle the concern together, not against each other.
The only way to practice this is to keep having opportunities for clarifying conversations. I’ve been blessed to have had chances to try out the clarification process, and it’s always been successful!
In my experience, I gave an avenue to see each other’s point of view and a goal that no one should leave unheard or resentful. Remember to have a genuine intention to be respectful of their perspective.
Step 2: Setting Up Agreements
This step is all about the advantages of agreements over what we usually do – hanging by expectations. It’s always a relief to have those clarifying conversations, but you can’t wrap that up without a concrete form of agreement.
The thing is, sometimes even after all the clarifications and agreement, the other party might still be violating what you agreed upon. The key, then, is to have another round of clarifying conversations.
It’s essential to be very clear on your perspective. Remember not to sound too abrasive, you can perhaps start with something along these lines:
“Hey I believe we have agreed on the same thing, and I’ve been keeping my word on that agreement. I don’t see you keeping yours right now, was something not clear or confusing you? Can you help me see what’s wrong?”
You must be bold but respectful. If people respond negatively about this, their reaction is their own responsibility, not yours. You don’t have to make sure they respond the way you think they should! Don’t rob them of their own responsibility for their reactions or emotions.
The Bottom Line
If we want higher success in our relationships, clarifying conversations are necessary. This 2-step formula has helped me so much over the years, and I hope it serves the same for you. Just remember to get that clarifying conversation and set up a mutual agreement by the end, so everybody walks out of the room feeling much better than they did when they came in.
Additional resources
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