I’ve talked to thousands of people over the years. When they start learning how energy works, how vibration works, how mindset works, how powerful our thoughts are, they often pick it up and want to run with it. And then, their spouse sometimes isn’t on board with this transformation.
So, I often get the question: “How do I change their view?”
How do I swim in this sea of negativity around me, whether it’s coming from my partner, colleagues, family?
I want to say that often these people are well-meaning. They are not evil and wicked, they often just want us to take a practical approach to life and stay grounded. Of course, we don’t have to listen to them, but then, how do we avoid the concept of either/or? Does one person have to be right and the other wrong? Or can it be both/and? Can we both be right?
My answer is: YES. And that’s the best way to handle this situation.
Now, I want to speak to this from my own experience. Feel free to pick up what I’m laying down. As you know, what’s personal is always universal.
At First, I Was Afraid…
We women are so good at honoring people’s journeys, especially when it comes to our partners. Where we often flail is in honoring our own path.
I used to do that as well. When Jeremy wouldn’t dream with me, I just wouldn’t dream at all. On the other hand, if he was in scarcity or fear, I honored that and fed into that. I also want to underline: this wasn’t his fault. I just didn’t have the mindset at the time. I didn’t know how to honor my own journey, and it was mostly because I was afraid.
It’s natural that we outgrow people and end relationships. And when I started learning and growing, I was very afraid that I would outgrow Jeremy and that we would end up divorced. I just couldn’t deal with this idea, to be honest.
It was much easier to dive into what we have and make do. Someday we might have it all, but not now.
Still, I kept learning. I was just so fascinated by the idea that we can design our own reality, I couldn’t give it up. At the time, I was studying different modalities of energy work. We all know and feel the energy, but the idea that we could direct it and tap into that power seemed too good to pass up on.
…And It Was a Push and Pull for a While
Now, ten years ago, energy work wasn’t as mainstream as it is today. My husband saw it as Devil’s work, he thought I wanted to play God. In his defense, I had no words to articulate energy work at the time. He was confused, he didn’t understand it, and he reacted in the way he was conditioned to react.
We’ve had very few “big” fights in our marriage, but this ended up being one of those. We were discussing (more like fighting about) energy work and he just said: “You know what, I never thought that we would ever fight about religion.”
My dear prosperity seekers, this was just… NO.
I am a Jesus girl. I’m very religious, I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I’ve been born and raised in that religion, my faith is part of me. It’s very, very important. We’ve raised our children in the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
So, I was highly offended that he would bring my testimony and faith into this fight.
We weren’t talking about religion, but he couldn’t make that distinction. He was afraid I would influence my kids away from God (!!!). There was just a lot of misunderstanding and I turned around and walked away. I was so mad. That was one of the only nights he spent on the couch.
Still, although I was mad, I saw his point of view. Energy work can get really weird really fast, and he was afraid I would give into that.
I understood him, but I also felt a calling to do this. It was so loud I couldn’t ignore it.
Step by Step, We Were Getting There
Jeremy apologized soon thereafter but he was still holding firm on his opinion. I was very happy that we were talking again so I decided to do energy work on the side and not really talk about it.
That’s not how things are supposed to play out when you step into the empowered feminine, but you don’t know what you don’t know. I can only look back at myself from that time with compassion and humor.
I continued learning and the more I learned, the more I understood that my journey is just as valid as somebody else’s. I’ve come to understand that nobody has to be right or wrong. He was on his own path, going at the pace that was good for him. I honored that. But, now I was finally ready to honor my own journey. I knew I could be a wife, a mother, and an individual with her own dreams and desires.
So, I knew trying to get him to see things my way didn’t work. I decided that everybody gets to be right. From that position, I approached him for another conversation.
I told him I had to follow this path and that I was OK if he’s not into it. But, I decided to give him a job. Men love a sense of purpose. I told him that if he saw me going off the deep end, he had permission to lovingly pull me back. We made a deal and finally, we both felt happy about where we were at on our journeys.
How Jeremy Eventually Came Around
When we made that deal, he asked me not to share the things I learned. He just wasn’t interested and I was OK with that.
But, the thing is, as I was growing, my vibration and energy also changed. I was now more positive, more grateful, more beautiful. We are all wired for that high-energy state, even our partners who don’t see it. And naturally, people want to be around good things.
They rise up to match your vibration, in their own way and at their own pace. I made it safe for everybody to be where they were, including me. And as I was changing, my language changed too. Soon, Jeremy would catch himself talking about angels and being grateful. He would make jokes about it, but he was opening up, step by step.
Over time, his language also changed. He didn’t call my path Voodoo anymore. He didn’t lovingly refer to it as fairy dust. In fact, he would say: “Honey, I had a rough day. Would you do some energy work on me?”
And just like that, because I stopped trying to change him, he got there on his own. We grew together and no one had to feel bad or wrong about it.
Lay Down the Fear
This is what happens when you give yourself and your partner permission to do their own thing. They either join you or they keep their distances, but chances are, they will appreciate the good changes they see in you.
Now, if they don’t join you there, does this mean that your marriage will end? No, it just means that their behavior will change around you so that it matches your frequency. And so if they can’t handle your positivity, they’ll leave the room, and then everybody’s happy.
Trust that the way that the universe is structured is for everyone’s highest good.
There doesn’t have to be a right person, and there doesn’t have to be a wrong person. Everybody gets to be right.
They get to have their beliefs and they get to go into fear and doubt. They get to do that and you also get to not participate in that. Nobody’s wrong and there’s no judgment.
So, lay down the fear that you’re going to outgrow him, that you’re going to destroy your relationship and your kids for generations. Lay it down.
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