It is your birthright to have your needs met. Most people walk through life with unfulfilled needs because they don’t feel worthy or deserving, so they overcompensate by meeting everyone else’s needs but their own.
Standing in your power isn’t about being offensive or off-putting when stating your needs and how you will or won’t be treated from this point on. It’s about absolutely knowing that you are worth it, and if the other person can’t or won’t meet those needs in a healthy way, you can disengage from the relationship because it is no longer serving you.
It’s not about threatening, because standing in your power has nothing to do with the other person’s reaction to your strength. It has everything to do with the freedom and power that lies on the other side of that door you get to walk through.
When you stand in your power you set healthy boundaries for yourself and for others. It’s easier to say no to something that’s really not in your best interest. It’s easier to be assertive because you’re finally coming from a stance that your needs and desires are just as valid as the other person’s! The days of being the “back door doormat” are gone forever.
I recently had a client who stood in her power in a friendship that had become unhealthy. She was constantly giving support, help and time without receiving anything in return. She wanted to “fix” the relationship. But it wasn’t about fixing. It was about standing in her power, in her worth as a person. She was at the point where she could no longer sustain a one-sided relationship, nor should she have to. And if her friend couldn’t step up and contribute, there would be no judgment on my client’s part. She would simply disengage from the friendship because it was no longer serving her.
And, even though she was nervous and scared about her friend’s possible reaction–her friend had been known to be volatile and harsh in the past–she knew nothing would change if she didn’t advocate for herself.
Her friend went into victim mode, as we knew she probably would. But my client graciously, gently and determinedly stood in her power. Filled with love and compassion for her friend, but also for herself. And she told me later that it was so freeing and so empowering to have that hard conversation and stand in her worth!
How did it turn out? Her friend admitted she hadn’t been stepping up and recommitted herself to contributing to their friendship. But even if it hadn’t turned out that way, it would have still been a success, because the whole point for my client was to stand in her power.
What about you? Is there a conversation you get to have with someone, an opportunity to stand in your power? What’s stopping you? Comment below–I’d love to help!
What a great article Allyson! I love the way you explained how standing in your power is not about being threatening or overbearing (which actually hand the power over to the other person), but about standing for you with love and compassion for yourself AND the other person! Beautiful! Thanks for sharing this!
Fantastic article, Allyson Chavez-energy work! I’ve been in this situation before. Luckily, everything worked out and we’re still great friends!
I have had to stand in my power with relationships before, and I only wish I had done it sooner.
Thank you for sharing! I absolutely loved what you had to say. Standing in your power can be very scary, but oh so fulfilling.
I have had to do this on two occasions; and in both cases, gained a greater respect from the other person. Great article!
I am that person you need to stand up to. I don’t know why its so hard for us to go beyond ourselves. In many ways, these moments are pivotal in our lives as well. We are faced with truth, harsh and ugly and beautiful as it is. You have worth and we have worth and we have been neglecting yours. Or feel that, because we feel worthless, surely we don’t have anything of worth to contribute to you.