I was talking to my mindset mentor yesterday about fear. (I am a firm believer that good coaches and mentors have coaches and mentors of their own.) I told her about some fear I was feeling, and she told me, “I always know that when I’m feeling fear, that’s the direction I’m supposed to go. So, fear means GO!” I swear, that woman embraces fear as if it were a soft, cuddly pillow pet. To me, fear is prickly and pointy and I tend to want to avoid it. My business coach reminded me today that we as people all move as far away from pain as possible. It’s not something we have to learn; we naturally move away from it. And so many people (myself included) equate fear to pain. So, how do you go toward the fear?
What I noticed are the things that I’m afraid of are feeling uncomfortable and awkward, the other person’s judgment of me, and being rejected. But when I look at it objectively, I realize those feelings really aren’t that big of a deal. The conversation I’m so afraid of never happens in the awful way I imagine it will. And though there is a feeling of initial discomfort, the conversation is always very lovely and enjoyable. Most important, when I leave that conversation, rejected or not, I am EMPOWERED, simply because I walked toward the fear. The point wasn’t the result I wanted from the conversation; the point was TO WALK THROUGH THAT FEAR. A ‘no’ only means nothing has changed. And yet, for me, walking through that fear and walking away with no means I have changed, and for the better. It’s SAFE to be uncomfortable. It’s SAFE to walk through that fear of rejection. Because I said YES when my ego said no. And that makes it all worth it!
Just like a lot of successful people, I’ve come a long way when it comes to handling adversity and challenges. In many ways, I’ve handled fear the way they should be handled. Every now and then we find ourselves in uncomfortable situations. When that happens, we can either decide one of two things. We can let fear paralyze us, or we can take fear on and face the music. I know that once we take that small step to overcome fear, the rest of it becomes easier. Thanks for the great post Allyson!
Allyson, great post. In my experience, when I have ever felt fear, I have tackled it head on and found that really, there was nothing to be fearful of in the first place. Nothing is ever as bad as you think it is!
I do this exact same thing. HAHAH, now when I am confronted with fear I need to GO!
Love the advice here! You hear a lot of people saying “live a fearless life”, and yet, if you were to do that you’d never be changing and growing.