It’s something that many people consider on a daily basis and something that’s likely been instilled in us from childhood. And it’s not always about the neighbors. It could be worry about the opinions and perceptions of your social group, your work peers, your church group, or even members of your own family.
As adults we have the ability to follow our our path and desires to decide for ourselves the best way to live, what to believe, and how to act. We constantly make choices about things like where to live, the type of car we buy, to have children or not, who to vote for, and where to spend our money, time, and attention. And even though we might wish to abandon the idea that we are constantly being judged, those negative feelings still occasionally seem to creep in and find a home in our heads.
If we’re not careful and aware of those feelings, they can subtly influence our beliefs and try to undermine our faith in ourselves. Constantly trying to win the approval of others is simply exhausting. If you are living your own life to the fullest, it’s pretty likely that you’re going to have criticism from people who are not.
But it’s not about them. It’s about you.
It’s impossible to feel good about yourself while you’re playing small and trying to meet the expectations of others. Or in playing along, following the pack, and hoping that you will be liked and accepted. Too many people are spoiling their existence trying to influence others positive perception of themselves; and carrying needless guilt and shame when they fail.
When we’re true to our own ‘inner selves’ the opinions of others seem to matter less. When we’re confident in our own beliefs, opinions, and actions, we empower ourselves. When we cease to let others define who we are and who we should be, we take back the influence that we may have inadvertently given away.
Wayne W. Dyer has said, “The more you work at just being yourself, the more likely you’ll feel purposeful and significant in your life.” So stop caring what the neighbors think and work at just being yourself with these five tips.
Value your own opinion
Don’t give the opinions of others more credibility and weight than your own. Especially those others who want to keep you down on their level. Don’t be afraid to be different or to go against the flow, if that’s what it takes to remain true to yourself.
Get to know yourself
Start listening to your thoughts and focus on the good and unique things about yourself. Know your limitations, but think about whether they are real limitations, or just limits that you’ve allowed to be placed there. Try making three lists: one of your strengths, one of your achievements, and one of the things that you admire about yourself. Ask a close friend or trusted relative to help you with these if you want, and refer to them often.
Be kind
It can be difficult to be kind and generous to others at times. Especially to people who may be judging or criticizing you. It’s hard when people are less than kind and generous to you, but when you give of yourself you’ll start to see those feelings and attitudes reflected back at you. And you never know when a little bit of kindness is going to make someone’s day. It’s a great boost to your self-confidence.
Set some goals
People often make the mistake of shooting for the moon, and then when they fail, they get discouraged. In fact the fear of how we’ll be perceived if we fail is one of the main things that actually keep us from reaching our goals. So set some realistic goals you know you can achieve in a reasonable amount of time and then do it. You’ll have new things to add your list of achievements too.
Do things that you enjoy
Find at least one thing that you can do every day that you really enjoy. Listen to music, read for 10 minutes, watch a show, take a walk outside, or just smell the roses. Don’t be afraid to learn something new, try a new activity, or go to an event you’ve heard about. There are always going to be things that you don’t want to do, so give those things a little thought too and try to identify ‘why’ you don’t want to do them. You may find you actually have some very good reasons for doing things that you’d rather not do. But perhaps you can think of a way to make those things more enjoyable.
It’s time to stop focusing on what the neighbors think, and start focusing on what YOU think. Happiness is an inside job.